How the cowardly Styles shamefully sealed the fate of a poor couple’s wedding

It went for nearly half a million quid, but don’t be sad for Harry. He gets to keep his cardigan

A sneering man shouted: “Yeah, you cunt, you wore that cardigan on Instagram on your wedding day.” Cue a furious fight among everyone’s favourite indie male contingent, and everyone was happy, except Harry Styles and his cardigan.

The UK’s leading daily newspaper reported that the American singer “has spoken” about his unsavory cardigan habits, which became a meme this week and ended up being auctioned for $533,800 (£446,000). Not a bad return on itchy nylon, then. Which is what this poor guy got.

The Manchester Evening News reported the bidding ended in the early hours of Friday, as donors waited anxiously and the cardigan began to melt. Even having bought it six days ago, “everyone” just had to have it.

Even though you knew it was a fake. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

You could call it a marketing stunt, but honestly, who cares. It’s a horribly offensive cardigan. One that did truly terrible things to the lives of Andrew Binder and Lloyd Jones. Binder and Jones were waiting to get married on the top floor of the Conrad Hotel in Newport, Newport, Wales, a quaint seaside town where Styles’s parents own a property, when the supermodel Jourdan Dunn flew in and forgot to tell them it was wedding season. So, you can imagine they thought, “Ah well, if nothing else, I’ll wear my own wedding dress,” and so they clambered into the cramped clothes train and headed up to the top floor, where they were apparently shown to a luxury hotel.

It was, as you’d expect, a dismal day for them. But, not to worry, Styles and Dunn were also there. They were smiling through it, providing support. They were still there at 6.30pm. They were still there the following morning. They were still there the next day. They wanted their story told.

Oh well, imagine the narrative if Styles had stood them up for three weeks, cashed in on the internet and had to move on with his life. It’s almost too much to bear.

If only One Direction would pay him the royalties that one pop star iconically refused. Maybe they could write a song about it.

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